Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
