mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
