We're facebook friends in real life
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
