I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize