Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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