Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
