Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
