how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment