There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea