2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning