if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
