I wish you could order shots online.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!