so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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