The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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