I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
