connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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