More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
