oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
