I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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