she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They took my balls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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