he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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