what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
