Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
