last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
