idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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