you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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