I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Swine flu is the new snow day.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
