she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This girl is more easily done than said...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
