WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I understand Curling. That high.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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