if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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