it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
