new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
