We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
