I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
