i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
