The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
