oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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