But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
