At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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