Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
