I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
