theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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