Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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