I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
