At least make sure they are 18
Why
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
