so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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