I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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