Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
