They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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