I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
