What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
