We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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