Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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