SEEEEXXX PLEASE
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I could fuck to npr.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
