you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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