Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize