i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
