I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
