his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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