Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
