Cold hands, warm shart.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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