i think i have herpe
just one?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pants are for mortals
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
