I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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