Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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