This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
