you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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