The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Text me some of your sweat
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
