Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
