a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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