where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize