Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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