Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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