I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
ok first of all what the fuck
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