OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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