Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
